Jesus' Hope & Restoration In The Trough: How A Kid From Foster Care Finds Peace in the Christmas Season

Let me just say that Christmas is my most favorite Holiday by far! I love it because its visually beautiful, filled with fellowship, lush music, and often times...rest.  I suspect that my lavish heart loves Holidays that are ultimately simple articulations of what's inside of me.  I love, love, love Christmas.  That doesn't mean that their haven't been hard and sad Christmases, it just means that I choose to see the beauty of the season as a time to remember all that is Good.

People who know me well know this about me, but they sometimes wonder how can someone who has faced child abuse, foster care, suicide, and splintered families be in love with a holiday that can represent the contradiction of all that is broken.  It would seem that a Holiday like that would make one extremely sad...or at least jaded.

There is no denying that a season like Christmas can intensify the feelings of imperfection...and can send us all down a path of regret...thinking about what we don't have, who doesn't love us, and who has betrayed our trust.  But, Christmas can be more than that.  It has been road trips for friends in need of fellowship, plane tickets to friends in need of a break from life, a gift for someone who hasn't expected that you are thinking about them, the gift of food for someone who hasn't had a home-cooked meal, a much needed haircut and shopping outing for an awkward teen, a heartfelt conversation and dinner outing for a cousin, and a long-awaited trip to the movies for long-lost siblings (lacking funds of their own).

When I think of Christmas, I think of two grandparents who lived on 6200 Fairfield Rd., in Columbia, South Carolina...who had grandchildren even though they had no children of their own.  I think of their deep generosity and love and care for me and my brother.  I think of their protection from a horrible world...and I think of having been raised by them for 12 years in a house full of love and "can do" spirit and possibility.  I think of how they sought to make each Christmas special, with live fur trees filled with antique ornaments and amazing gifts and poinsettias and stockings and little antiques houses and friends and church and music.  I think of them each Christmas.  I saw them yesterday, when I visited their grave site.  I think of their lavish love in spite of the world (and  the station) to which we were born.  I celebrate Christmas with splendor because of their HOPE & LOVE!

And maybe that's not enough for someone because they've never had people love on them like that.  And for that I'd like to remind you of the this story of Faith. I'd like to remind you that Jesus being born in a manger is no accident...it wasn't happenstance.  Jesus was born in the middle of animals and hay and surely little critters.  I imagine in that space there must have been animal droppings and feces all around.  Dare I say it crudely, Jesus (God's Lavish Gift to us) was born in the middle of some "shit."  And to add, he was given scraps of cloth to keep him warm.  This may mean nothing to the person who can't see it, but to some of us...all we've known is "shit"...shitty families, shitty christmases, shitty circumstances.  But there is GOOD News...because right in the middle of shit...was HOPE...Living Hope! Right in the middle of the worst kinds of conditions was God's Lavish Gift to the world to remind us of His love...and only scraps kept God warm.

And for me, I am reminded that Hope is living with us in the worst kinds of conditions, in the worst kinds of places, in the worst parts of town, and with the worst kind of people.  I am reminded that Hope lived on 6200 Fairfield Rd. and Hope was in Bethlehem. So, I honor the Holiday season because it reminds me that even when I'm feeling lonely and abandoned there is still Hope and Restoration!  I am reminded that it began with Jesus in A Manger...became James & Thelma Payne in Columbia and resides with me and my wife in Durham.  

I pray all of you would give yourselves over to a season of Hope so that you could experience Restoration before you even see it!

10 Christmas Reminders for the Grown & Fresh...LOL

 I remind myself of these...but I'd also like to remind you of some hard and fast rules for grown people for the holidays!

1. We say we can't wait to see everybody at the Holidays, but there are some relatives that we wish would just not show up. In fact, some of the people we really want to see at the holidays get put on the back burner for the obligatory family engagement.  Just remember that we are "making room" on Jesus' commemorated birthday for our trifling relatives...but if they should get on your nerves.  Please leave quietly and find something else to do.  No one needs to see you in a fit.  And, if you are not ready, stay at home...and celebrate with friends (who operate like family)!  Baby Jesus didn't die so that we would be limited to our own silly relatives.  Every brother and sister in Christ is a part of God's family. #findyou1

2. If you still get presents then great! But, mostly, if you get presents and you are grown...the presents will begin to become real suspect (unless you are married)...like Christmas shirts, food, wack socks...stuff you can mostly do without. As such, I must remind you to buy your own Christmas present as not to be a let down by the wack, last minute gift waiting on you.  (The other thing you can do, that will come off real bourgeois...if people keep asking...is offer a specific Christmas list with things you like, from places you shop at a variety of price points.  And I would say go from $5-$50) But real talk though, so while you are out shopping for Aunt Peggye and Uncle Bob...scale back their gifts and get you a lil' something.  This is not trifling, this is real!  And because I like Christmas, I even wrap that "mug" up and put it under the tree.   I shan't be disappointed that my Tiffany Cufflinks weren't on your Christmas list! #getitformyself

3. I know you want to eat all the turkey and ham imaginable, and then pile your plate with all the desserts in America...but may I remind you that you don't have the metabolism of the twelve year old you are sitting next to. While you may want to punch them in the face for eating everything, and gaining no weight...please don't! And let me point you to the fruit bowl and salad and vegetables. Pick them up! I know it will be hard...but if you eat the pear...you won't look like one after Christmas when you are trying to fit into your Watch Night or New Year's Eve Outfit, says my friend and frat brother Scott Patrick Moore! #eatthePearAnnaMae

4. You are Santa...Get this in your mind now! If your gifts have begun to slow up, that's because Santa gives gifts...He only gets milk and cookies. Similarly, you will only get trinkets...but the kids...oh the kids...they expect their portion of gifts. I should also point out that Teens and College Students should get gifts...stop making their Christmases miserable! Please remember that with children/teens/college students...the cool mom, aunt, mentor, dad, uncle, older cousin, older sibling gives the best gifts! Your rep must be protected. The wack gifts will not do, if you want to maintain your rep. Remember that you don't have to give a lot...it just has to be the right gift! So save your rep Santa! #nowackgiftsonbehalfofBabyJesus

5. #4 does not count for adults! Tell them to get a job, go to work, and/or get out of your face. Their gifts ended when they popped out little Kareem and Imani. If they want gifts, tell them to get married, have a birthday or do something interesting...and remind them of rules #2 and #4. Christmas is about Baby Jesus...catch it-BABY Jesus. Likewise, in the immortal words of a washed up rapper, "this is for the kids." #SantaLoveDaKids

6. Your heart maybe pouring out, but do not overspend (BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY)! You have a car note, credit card, cell phone, mortgage, rent, lights, insurance, food expense, hair appointments, loan payment, gas to purchase in the coming days. If you don't have any of these, you are not grown...you are a live-in dependent! However, if you are "light" on bills (#imjealous), put some money away in your savings, 401K, IRA, or other mechanisms. Stop spending everything you got because you have a strange desire to show that you got a little money! #NoDebtChristmas

7. Buy a box of cards for all the people you can't  spend money on! Inexpensive (thanks Kay Lewis...she says classy people don't use the word Cheap) and thoughtful (and yet still classy)...no more to say...just get to signing and stamping! #classyandIn-Expensive

8. Do not roll out of bed on Christmas day and remain in pajamas. Are you crazy? Do you know how many embarrassing pictures have been taken in PJs and moo moos. Head straight to the bathroom and brush your teeth/hair (and wash). Grown people do not look cute in pictures with crust around their mouth...only kids (and only momentarily). So please, for Baby Jesus' sake...fluff your fro, take the rollers out, brush your hair...and put on something festive (and appropriate)! ONE NOTE: NO HOLIDAY SWEATERS...what are you...a school teacher from the mid 60's? Red and Green fine...no wack poinsettia on your shirt please! #NoDecorativeGear #DoYourHair

9. Your Mama/Daddy Is Right: This is not the time to air your dirty laundry! If you got issues...do not go home and ruin Christmas for everyone. If someone else got issues, forgive them and let live. Do not be trying to pull a Maury Povich show at Christmas. Nothing worse then the Drama king and queen getting started at the Christmas gathering. If you can't handle your eggnog...wait till later. Please Hold it together (for the kids). Kids (and relatives who haven't seen you in a while) don't understand (nor do they want to see) all those issues you dealing with. Go to church, get a counselor, and let it go! Please...Jesus is here...demon be gone! #beHealedBeloved - in my Iyanla Voice!

10. Do something unexpected for someone...Since God's love is the greatest gift. Surprise someone who is having a hard time at this time of the year. The co-worker who has a messed up marriage or just lost a loved one, The child whose parents can't afford to do a lot, or the person who is always saving you from something...go out and do/get something for that person...because Jesus needs to be seen in us, in very unexpected ways! #beABlessing

All I'm saying, is be Merry, be filled with Joy...and have some Fun!!!!