Thursday, April 19, 2012

Too Much Heart, In A Heartless World: A Reflection on Brother Ennis Koonce


Since Ennis’ passing, I have been meandering around a graveyard. This isn’t the kind of graveyard where we come to visit our departed brothers and sisters. No, I have been meandering around a metaphorical graveyard. I can be found regularly stumbling around the tombstones of questions that begin with "Why?": Why Ennis? Why my friend? Why my fraternity brother? Why such a good and gracious person? Why now?

I do not think that I am alone. My phone has rung off the hook since Ennis’ passing. And I have concluded that there must be a crowd and a VIP line at this graveyard because so many in this room are asking a question to which we will never get an answer:  "Why oh God did you take our friend and brother?"

And with Ennis-level Sarcasm, many of us have added that "If you, Oh Lord, wanted to call somebody home, we have lists of people…" And yet, we are thinking about our own mortality, and we are remorseing about one who has so much life, and we are remembering a friend who seemed to have so many more miles and miles to go.

We who are here, and not yet in heaven are wandering around, driving ourselves crazy like the man whom our God cast out a "Legion" of demons who was found among the caves of the dead.

It is when I have screamed "Why?" in this graveyard I have found my God speaking,
in a tender, quiet voice “Sean, My ways are not your ways.”

This is a contradiction in my mind: How can we trust you, if we can’t understand you Oh Lord?

And there are more contradictions afoot between us and God. Ennis, a brother with too much spiritual and emotional heart, has a physical heart that cannot keep up with him.  Ennis, a brother, who would ride with his friends until the wheels fell off, could sometimes find himself without the support of his friends. Ennis, my brother, who called me his mentor, often taught me more about loyalty, honesty, and joy that I can remember.  My friend Ennis is a brother filled with heart, in a world unprepared to appreciate the magnitude of Ennis’ love for others.

If he were here, he would tell you about a deep love for a fraternity that caused him to not let a near death car accident keep him from what he knew that God was calling him to. If he were here, he would tell you that he didn’t believe in being fake. If he were here, he would show you excellence in his commitment to make the impossible possible.  If he were here, he would tell you about all the times he opened up his home, wallet, cabinets, and closets to share what he had with brothers like Larry, Lee, Chauncey, Darrell, Greg, Javon, Chase, Terrence, Thomas, Vince, Mario, and this list goes, on and on and on.  If he were here, he would tell you that “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

Everyday, Ennis rose to lay down his life for his friends: stepping in at the last minute to help, fixing stuff he didn’t break, and mentoring young brothers into men.  Ennis believed whole heartedly in the better making of men, and we were made better because of Ennis.  It is in knowing this, that all of us have been caught off guard by what seems like God’s untimely calling of Ennis home.  From our vantage point, it seemed like Ennis had just answered his calling to live out a life mentoring and supporting college students: First at Paine, then at Georgia Southern
and finally at the University of Oklahoma.  It was here that Ennis was preparing a dissertation on Black Male Mentorship…after having done the work of mentorship. It was here that we could see our dear brother coming into his own, but our God caught us off guard and called our dear brother home.

Ennis, you should know that you have left an indelible impression. You should know that the hole in our hearts is big…because we do not know who to call when we need counsel, encouragement or help.  Ennis, we have no idea what we should do when we get so angry…and you make us laugh.  Ennis, we are not prepared to be at weddings, and parties, and graduations, and ordinations, and celebrations
without your gregarious joy!

Ennis we are not prepared to live in a place without the contradiction…
For you were a friend to many, in a friendless environment.
For you were a father to many, even though you had no children.
For you were unselfish, in a selfish world.
And you answered your call, in a world where so many of us are running scared.

We, the men of Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity, Inc.
We, the Brothers and Sisters of Paine College
We, who are seeking to live out our various callings
We, who count ourselves lucky to call you our friend…

We must carry your memory in our action.
We must mentor a generation of brothers and sisters who need us.
We must have joy in our own lives.
We must not be hindered by pain.
We must live the kind of life you lived…

We must be “A Credit to Our Race.”

We must carry this light, until we meet you again, dear brother.
For we know in heaven that you are mentoring the angels.